My Birthday Wish


We could definitely all use more LOVE in our lives. <3

Originally posted on Make Me a Sammich:

Screen Shot 2014-12-16 at 11.57.25 AMIn a few days, I will celebrate my 50th year on this planet. I haven’t done as much as I guess I hoped I would by now. I have, on the other hand, survived a lot. And that’s why it’s especially important to me to make a big deal out of this nice, round number. It reminds me that I’ve reached an age my depression and anxiety made me fear I’d never see. It is a way of giving myself some credit for making it through and not giving up—for continuing to strive for wellness and to reach for a place where I will once again feel satisfaction with the way I am using the days I have on the earth. I’m not there yet, but I know that I deserve that, so I’m celebrating the fact that I can celebrate myself. And not insignificantly, I’m celebrating the fact that two…

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Is it you I’m looking for? — The return of Weird Search Terms

(This post and its contents heavily inspired by Captain Awkward’s recurring feature, It came from the search terms! Please go check out her blog, she is super awesome. Hopefully I linked a fairly recent one; it was the most recent installment I could find)

A long, long time ago, in a Twitter timeline far, far away, there was once a hashtag known as #WeirdSearchTerms. I don’t know if it still exists, but I spent a lot of time in that column. (Fun fact: The majority of the folks on there–at least at the time–ran blogs with erotica content on them, either prominently or occasionally. So some of the oddities they encountered were understandable. Me? Not so much!) I had a few fellow sufferers; I forget who they were specifically now, but turns out we here on WordPress get a lot of traffic from, shall we say, odd sources. Most are funny. Some are weird. A few are downright disgusting. But they’re all entertaining! (And also make me wonder if folks realize that those little fetish-related words you type into your Google bar don’t actually go away once you’re done…)

I stopped sharing my weird search terms once the hashtag kind of petered out, but lately as I’ve been getting more and more traffic, I’ve realized how many amazing search terms I’ve been missing out on. So let’s celebrate their weirdness together, shall we?

Many of these terms will be NSFW! Brace yourselves.

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put your damn shirt back on: my adventures in demisexuality

Hey kids! Remember that one time we talked about how I managed an epic feat of self-denial and told myself for years and years that I was Totally and Completely Straight?

Well, guess what: There’s even more to that story!

Demisexual is a term I hadn’t really heard of until about a year ago, when I stumbled across the word on Tumblr. I remember feeling an instant sense of relief followed by a loud, “Oh so that’s what’s up with me!” as soon as I finished reading the description. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, here is a short excerpt from the Urban Dictionary definition:

Demisexuals are characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction. It is an orientation that is not chosen.

For years, I was deeply confused by the sheer enthusiasm the people around me had for celebrities, crushes, and even sometimes just people they passed in the street. All it seemed to take was a quick glimpse of someone they found handsome and the flood of “Oh I want them to do such bad things to me” would begin. This became especially prevalent in my 20’s, though there was a fair amount of it during my teen years as well. Seemingly all that was required was a semi-attractive man (sadly I have known very few queer people “IRL”) who, through sheer twist of fate, walked by in their general direction. It also seemed to apply to singers, actors, celebrities, and sometimes even famous authors. All they needed was a face and/or a set of abs to look at, and off they went into a seemingly endless array of sexual fantasies.

I think the most memorable example of this was during my preteen years, when N*Sync was at the height of their popularity. I can’t remember if a friend of mine said it out loud, or if it was something I read online, but I distinctly remember someone going to an N*Sync concert and coming back to talk on and on about how excited they’d been by Justin Timberlake’s pelvic thrusts. After I got finished looking up what a pelvis was (I was like, 12 or something don’t judge me) I couldn’t help but wonder why anyone would be excited about that. I knew why they were talking about it–I knew what sex was and where everybody’s bits supposedly went–but I just didn’t get the appeal. How could they possibly want to have sex with someone they didn’t even know? Besides, he’d just been dancing as part of his performance. It wasn’t like there was any sort of personal connection between him and that one person who had thought his thrusting was neat-o. What were they thinking?

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Sheriff’s Office Re-Victimizes Rape Survivors

Originally posted on The Belle Jar:

Trigger warning for rape

When Lori O’Brannon found a card in the mail from Clark County Sheriff’s office addressed to her 18 year old daughter Josie, she didn’t give it much thought. The card, a blue, standard post-card sized piece of cardboard, said that the evidence department had something to release to Josie. Lori figured that it was probably something innocent enough, left over from Josie’s wilder days when, as Lori put it, Josie had “been in trouble” a few times. So Lori called the number on the card, made an appointment, and drove Josie to pick up the “evidence.”

Neither of them could have predicted what was actually in the brown paper bag that the Sheriff’s office handed to her: a soiled grey shorts and a pair of women’s underwear. Both Josie and Lori recognized the articles immediately – they were what Josie had been wearing just over three years earlier, when she’d been…

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The One To Value Most


I can relate to so much of what’s in this post. Some strange and even damaging things can happen at the crossroads of caring for people we love, and feeling like we as individuals can constantly “put ourselves off”. It’s good to keep reminding ourselves that we’re important, too, and that the promises we make to ourselves carry just as much weight as those we would make to others.

Originally posted on Word Flows:

There are a lot of things I’m struggling with lately. Some are things I’ve had trouble with my whole life. A few of these I’m finally making some headway with lately though. The biggest one is self-worth.

I’ve never been good at valuing myself. In examine my thoughts and attitudes on this, on me, the parse that comes to mind is “It’s only me.” Wrong attitude, I know. I’m working to change that, but acknowledging this is my starting point. I have always placed more value on everyone in my life, especially those I love, than I ever did in myself.

This isn’t good on a number of levels, partly because I tend not to take proper care of myself. “It’s only me, I can make due with less.” But then it makes it hard to be there for those I care about. But it’s more than just that. I…

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